Tricks that old racers get up to after retirement

Attachment 301123One of the guess what that's for pots.


Some of you must be wondering why there are five trophies to shy at in the 2017 Off Tourney.?
Keep wondering---------What I will tell you is, it will be the BEST and funniest tourney you ever partook of, and if 95% of the participants don't pay next years entry before the end of the tourney I will run buck naked round the practice green.
Bill & Betty are devising all sorts of interesting schemes around the course, surprises galore and a T shirt for life.
You are all aware this is to be held on the Thursday , so as not to conflict with any of the established festivities. Will publish times right here on the the Off 2014 thread.
If you take a close look at the nearest the pin award, you may notice it is not as it used to be, that's because I dropped it and smashed the 007 base!!!
winners of this award will have their names printed on the two golf balls.
There will be NO cash awards until we find a sponsor daft enough to want to put his name to an old farts fun day, but if any of you know of one such fool, he can get me on here or the Tricks thread.

Cannot believe how stupid I'm becoming , .post 667 was supposed to be in the Off2014 .
I'm waiting for Willa.

Must be napping quite soundly today.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CNC_Guy

Must be napping quite soundly today.

---

Oh no, not you as well Dave----give a chap a break.

Sorry Jackie ,I meant Willa was napping.
Dave

old? I'm not old and still have my own wood

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CNC_Guy

Sorry Jackie ,I meant Willa was napping.
Dave

---

Tread carefully my friend WILLABEE never naps and has elephantine memory glands.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mr fun

old? I'm not old and still have my own wood

---

Twas the ROAD I WAS MAKING REF. TO.

Attachment 301150Sunday lunch at the Half Moon---my mate Nigel and Pauline with Jilly and me.
Nigel also built the American Air Force Museum at Duxford Cambridge.

Attachment 301152Paulines new jam jar

Been farting about all morning with one of the bits of spalted beech, thought it might make a base for the winners trophy ----the more i carved the more detail was exposed. (Nothing like a bit of exposed detail ). Upshot of all this is----it's too good to use as a base, it deserves to be a piece on its own, but haven't worked out which direction I'm going with it. Could be a hanger or a stander or a layer or a leaner----many possibilities.
Both back and shoulder started to play up so I called it a day about noon, slept for an. Hour, now were off to the local pub ( the holly tree ) down the village with a couple of friends Clive & Jane for lunch.
Clive used to run the floor at the London Stock Exchange, he had a 100 whizz kids running for him at any one time.

Had a very nice lunch with a couple of great people, quaffed a pint of Woody's best ale, which slid down quite nicely I must say. Came back to the house for a coffee and to reminisce -----made for a great day.
Never did go back into the workshop----nothing's burning-----nothing urgent, still my own boss, can open and shut whenever I feel like it and I got time to enjoy my friends.
Turns out I don't have to sweat cobs to enjoy every one of those 84,600 gifts I got given today.
Think I could-be mellowing a tad after all these years, not before time I guess.

Ex law lady running the "speed awareness course" made an interesting comment------"trouble with over 70's is they never learn anything new, they are creatures of habit" ----I just could not sit quietly and let that pass-----so I asked her in the nicest possible way THEN WHY THE HELL AM I HERE?
Nose to the grinder tomorrow , time to get back to norm. Thursdays out ---Jilly and I are invited to a posh wedding----refused to wear the undertakers gear, it might be all the rage in the knobs alley crowd, it still looks ridiculous to me. They'll just have to poke up with me in my Armani best. (Had it 18 years and still wear it to weddings and funerals, for what it cost, it has to make 25years to break even). MYGGWY. sleep well, j.

Wednesday already, can't believe how time flies these days. Like being on the time roller coaster, gets a hell of a lot faster the longer you stay on it. I try and dodge the time thief every time I see the old bastard, he keeps wanting to shake my hand while robbing me blind with the other. Trouble is , I know I can't beat him-----only outsmart him, just keep him at bay as long as I can.
Have all the trophies finished for the Golf Tourney------need a sponsor to put some icing on the cake, smell of dough will get to old fart golfers every time. Need five grand to start off with,! Any takers?

No----that's what I thought !!!
As expected I was unindated with offers of finance from all over the globe, will try and pick out just the ones that are good for the Off image------Hertz-----Virgin----Westinghouse -----Nestlé ------only blue chip companies, can't be too careful who we let sponsor us, don't cha know!!!
So what if I do tell porkies (Occasionally )

Did I ever tell you about my brother in law Fish! He skippers the "Pamela Jay" a 35' day tripper out of Hamble?
Last December he was putting her on to the mooring for the night, reached a tad too far and tumbled into the river. He had just stored the life jacket and the river is not exactly lukewarm in December, he's quite I character is Fish and very quick thinking, so he reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out his Sonim phone and dials my sister , conversation goes like this------
Ange, I'm in the river,
Yes Fish, I know you are,
No Ange, I'm IN the fecking river,
Yes Fish tell me what you want I'm busy serving customers,
so Fish says very composed like as his life blood drops to unacceptable levels
Ange, I have fallen into the river whilst mooring the Pamela Jay, get the water taxi quick as you can
they say the scream could be heard in Southampton
The lifeboat station is just next door to the cafe where Ange is working, so she picks up her piny and alerts the coastguard and the harbourmaster, phones Cliffy on the water taxi, but he's a mile up river so of no practical value to the situation. A passing yachtie sees fish clinging to the mooring buoy and sez, You all right sir?.
Typical Fish. Reply. Well of course I'm alright I like a swim in December.
Yachtie did not even slow down, just waved a fond farewell and wished him a merry christmas
Fishies nuts are by now exceedingly blue, so he puts the Sonim back in his pocket and strikes for shore, took him five long minutes to reach the jetty. Willing hands helped him to land, just as the water taxi pulls up alongside , closely followed by the coastguard, then the lifeboat, then the ferry boat . That's how life is, make of it what you will.
Thats a true account of what happened to my brother in law, he was 67years old at the time.
The phone was a Sonim Force and is totally waterproof----I was so impressed, I went out and bought one-----no it is not a smart phone-----just a phone that works when it' s wanted.

JW The beauty of old suites is that eventually they come back into fashion,I'll wager when the other guests spy you striding in with that vintage number
clinging to you you'll be the talk of the town!!
When the snapper's hovering round you waiting for that "special" shot, try to take up a kind of "celebritylike" pose possibly holding a glass of
something or lighting a ciggy
I find a ciggy parked into the lip area none too appealing, plus I know that "tabs" are not for you,but it might form a smoke screen!!........