2003 Edition You Know You're a Redneck When...2003 Edition!

[HOT H2O]

2003 Edition You Know You're a Redneck When...2003 Edition!

1.You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2.You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

3.You burn your yard rather than mow it.

4.You think the Nutcracker is something you do off a high dive.

5.The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

6.You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

7.You come back from the dump with more than you took.

8.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

9.Your grandmother has Ammo on her Christmas list.

10.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

11.Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

12.You have used a rag for a gas cap.

13.Your house doesn't have curtains and your truck does.

14.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

15.You can spit without opening your mouth.

16.You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

17.You have a complete set of salad bowls,and they all say Dairy Queen on the side.

18.The biggest city you have ever been to is Wal-Mart.

19.Your working TV sits on top or your non-working TV.

20.You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

21.You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of Wal-Mart.

22.Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

23.A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements.

24.You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

25.You missed 5th grade gradulation because you had jury duty
AND FINALLY


One day,Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba,where'd you get that truck?!"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me"Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you?I know she was kinda sweet on ya,but a new truck?"
"Well,Jimmy Joe,let me tell you what happened.We were driving out on County Road 6,in the middle of nowhere.Bobby Sue pulled off the road,put the truck in 4-wheel drive,and headed into the woods.She parked the truck,got out,threw off all her clothes and said,'Bubba,take whatever you want'.
So I took the truck and drove away!"
"Bubba,you're a smart man!.Them clothes woulda never fit you!"


You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.

Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

You clean your fingernails with a stick.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your considered an expert on wormbeds.

The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

You've ever bought a used cap.

Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You've ever stolen toilet paper.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your richest relative buys a new house, and asks you to help him take the wheels off!!!!!!

Your a redneck if you ever misspelled something with Christmas lights.

Your wife got married in a tube top
& your girlfriend was Maid of Honor

You use duct tap for flypaper, band-aids and birth control

you covered the finger holes in your bowling ball with duct tape to improve "air-o-die-nam-icks". Heck, it worked for Jeff Gordon didn't it???

Your boat fell of the concrete blocks and killed 7 of your best dogs

You applied your decals with duct tape instead of peel and stick

You think Reggie Fountain is where you get cokes in a cup at WalMart

and for Jayl 13::::::::

your favorite Motto is "If it don't run, paint it".

[Raceman]

Damn son, you done described T Rex.

[The Dark Allison]

He forgot one."You might be a Redneck if you boats horsepower is greater than that of your pickup truck!"