dumb joke

[AZMIDLYF]

My urologist’s office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the Coronavirus. One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test.



Directions :



Simply go outside and pee on the front lawn.



If ants gather: DIABETES.

If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE.

If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL.

If you don’t enjoy holding your penis in your hand: LOW TESTOSTERONE.

If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS.

If you return to your house without zipping your fly: ALZHEIMER.

[Forkin' Crazy]

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license... and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"So, you're drunk."

Me:"But I didn't drink anything."

Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"

Officer:"A prostitute of course."

Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...

[SUNKIST]

Donald Trump, George Bush and Joe Biden were set to face a firing squad in a small central American country. Donald Trump was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out "Earthquake". The firing squad fell into a panic and Donald Trump jumped over the wall and escaped during the confusion.


George Bush was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and George pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given George yelled out "Tornado". Again the squad fell apart and George slipped over the wall.

The last person Joe Biden was placed against the wall. He was thinking, I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall. He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction, he grinned from ear to ear and yelled "Fire".

dumbazz

[Robby321]

What did the farmer name his one legged daughter? ..........................Eileen

[89LASER]

And she worked at the IHOP

[Robby321]

[Forkin' Crazy]

Is it acceptable to laugh loudly in Hawaii?

Or does it have to be a low Ha?

[Robby321]

Is it acceptable to laugh loudly in Hawaii?

Or does it have to be a low Ha?

[Robby321]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go way ! And let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"

[Forkin' Crazy]

We were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.

We decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so we voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

We said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

We said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. We couldn't believe it. We said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.. Bob sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.

[rock]

Man goes into a dentist's office. Dentist comes into the room and asks what he can do to help. Man tells him "Doc i think I am a moth." Dentist says "What the hell man. You don't need a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come in here." Man says "Well the light was on."

Rock

[CDave]

Wow

[Robby321]

Man goes into a dentist's office. Dentist comes into the room and asks what he can do to help. Man tells him "Doc i think I am a moth." Dentist says "What the hell man. You don't need a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come in here." Man says "Well the light was on."

Rock

[Robby321]

[FMP]

Uhhh