dumb joke

[Frank Molé]

guy gets pulled over for speeding,cop says I've been waiting for you all day.......
guy says I got here as fast as I could.................

[doug7488]

2 buddys work in the morgue
The one runs over to the next-

Youll never believe this! The woman on that table has a shrimp sticking out of her vagina!

No way! What the hell is wrong with you?!

Come see for yourself!

That not a shrimp you A-hole, that’s her clit!

Well, it tasted like a shrimp!

[doug7488]

So the other day this attractive girl asks me if I prefer breasts or thighs
I tell her I’m mostly into feet and anal
Anyway, I’m now banned from KFC

[rock]

might not have understood

[rock]

see what ya started Doug

[NICE PAIR]

[doug7488]

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out... "Pa you need to go out and fix the outhouse!"Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with it."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is; now git out there and fix it."
So.......Paw mosies out to the outhouse, looks around, and yells back, "Ma there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse honey! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Payells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around, and yells back,"Ma-dadgummit there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of da hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, and then starts yelling, "Ma - Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"

[rock]

Man comes home from work and asks wife, "What's for dinner?" Wife replies "Nothing." Man says, "What the hell. That's what we had last night." Wife replies "I made enough for two days."

Rock

[CDave]

Q: What did one Italian Greyhound say to the other Italian Greyhound?
A: Dis temper, it's gonna be the death of me.

[doug7488]

[rock]

Was going to cook up some alligator the other day but only have a croc pot.

Rock

[rock]

Five ants rent an apartment with five other ants. Now they're tenants.

Rock

[RiverRat71]

A drunk staggers into a pub & slams his hand on the bar & says I need a drink & fast! Bartender asks what seems to be the problem? Drunk says the damnedest shyt just happened! I was standing on the curb taking a wiz & a bus zoomed by & knocked my dick off & I had to pick it up out of the gutter! Bartender says damn that is terrible! So the drunk reaches in his pocket & lays it on the bar. Bartender looks at it & says hey buddy that's a cigar. The drunk yells oh shyt I done smoked my dick! RR

[rock]

What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills....Aretha Franklins.

Rock

[doug7488]

An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know ****?” ��