dumb joke

my wife and i were watching a movie called "indecent proposal" with robert redford, demi moore and woody harrelson where robert redford asked demi moore to sleep with him for one night for 1 million dollars, near the end of the movie i thought about this and looked over at my wife and said....babe, i dont think i can get a million dollars for you for one night....but 50$ bucks 20,000 thousand times could work....needless to say after i woke up from a 2x4 across the back of my head that was a bad idea. :eek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcvGYVQqNjQ

Farts are always funny but over the intercom system was awesome.

Rock

Polish man comes to America and marries an American woman. Limited language skills but they get by. Then out of nowhere he goes to a lawyer and wants to get divorced. Lawyer asks if he has any grounds and he replies "I have 2 1/2 acres with a nice house." Lawyer says "No what is the foundation for this case. He replies "It's made of concrete.". Lawyer says "I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?" He replies "No we have a carport." Lawyer then asks "What are your relations like?" He says "They're all still in Poland and I suppose they're ok." Frustrated the lawyer asks "Is there any infidelity?" Man replies "We have high fidelity stereo and a DVD player." Lawyer asks" Does she beat you up?" Man says "NO i always get up before she does." Lawyer is ready to give up and asks why he wants the divorce as it sounds like things are fine between them. Man says "She's gonna kill me and I have proof. The other day she bought a bottle and put it on the shelf and it says Polish Remover.

Rock

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rock

Polish man comes to America and marries an American woman. Limited language skills but they get by. Then out of nowhere he goes to a lawyer and wants to get divorced. Lawyer asks if he has any grounds and he replies "I have 2 1/2 acres with a nice house." Lawyer says "No what is the foundation for this case. He replies "It's made of concrete.". Lawyer says "I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?" He replies "No we have a carport." Lawyer then asks "What are your relations like?" He says "They're all still in Poland and I suppose they're ok." Frustrated the lawyer asks "Is there any infidelity?" Man replies "We have high fidelity stereo and a DVD player." Lawyer asks" Does she beat you up?" Man says "NO i always get up before she does." Lawyer is ready to give up and asks why he wants the divorce as it sounds like things are fine between them. Man says "She's gonna kill me and I have proof. The other day she bought a bottle and put it on the shelf and it says Polish Remover.

Rock

---

Attachment 473013

Why was the clam so greedy?

He was a Shellfish :)

How to you catch a unique Duck?

U Nique up on him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by specboatops

How to you catch a unique Duck?

U Nique up on him.

---

U know how you catch a tame duck?

Tame way.

I've just released my own fragrance.

Nobody in the car seemed to like it.

:eek:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CDave

U know how you catch a tame duck?

Tame way.

---

Where did the dog go that lost his tail?

A retail store.

A chicken and a horse taking a walk. The horse steps into quicksand and instantly tells the chicken to go get farmer Bob to rescue him. Chicken runs to barn but no farmer Bob can be found so the chicken grabs a rope and jumps into Bob's BMW. Goes to the rescue and pulls the horse to safety with the BMW. Later on the chicken steps into the same quicksand and yells at the horse to go get help. Horse starts to leave then realizes he can actually straddle the quicksand so he does and tells the chicken to grab his penis and he pulls the chicken to safety. Moral of the story is if your hung like a horse you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Rock

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place...

First guy, "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy, "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy, "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word!

So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy, "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or sex," and she said, "Wear sun-block!" :D

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN…..
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird.
What do you see on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
My ex-wife misses me. But her aim is improving.
I just love those big white boards. They’re re-markable.
There was a clown who held a door open for me. It was a nice jester.
Belts made of watches are a waist of time.
What’s a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
Those sea monster jokes are Kraken me up!
Why can’t you run thru a campground? You can only “ran”, cause it’s past tents.
Shout out to the folks who ask what the opposite of “in” is.
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I really don’t know “y”.
Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense…
LOOK, THATS JUST ABOUT ENOUGH…
What’s worse than two cats in one box? One cat in two boxes…
OK, THAT WAS JUST WRONG! yeh, but you laughed…
Two silkworms were racing. It ended in a tie.
I put all my cash into an Origami business…but it folded.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
STOP IT…
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1
When Past, Present and Future go camping, they argue a lot. It’s intense in tents…
Is the wife of a hippie a Mississippi?

Dumb joke????

Joe Biden for President!!!!!

Mic drop.

Best joke of all