Attachment 523438
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Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out... "Pa you need to go out and fix the outhouse!"Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with it."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is; now git out there and fix it."
So.......Paw mosies out to the outhouse, looks around, and yells back, "Ma there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse honey! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Payells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around, and yells back,"Ma-dadgummit there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of da hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, and then starts yelling, "Ma - Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"
Man comes home from work and asks wife, "What's for dinner?" Wife replies "Nothing." Man says, "What the hell. That's what we had last night." Wife replies "I made enough for two days."
Rock
Q: What did one Italian Greyhound say to the other Italian Greyhound?
A: Dis temper, it's gonna be the death of me.
Was going to cook up some alligator the other day but only have a croc pot.
Rock
Five ants rent an apartment with five other ants. Now they're tenants.
Rock
A drunk staggers into a pub & slams his hand on the bar & says I need a drink & fast! Bartender asks what seems to be the problem? Drunk says the damnedest shyt just happened! I was standing on the curb taking a wiz & a bus zoomed by & knocked my dick off & I had to pick it up out of the gutter! Bartender says damn that is terrible! So the drunk reaches in his pocket & lays it on the bar. Bartender looks at it & says hey buddy that's a cigar. The drunk yells oh shyt I done smoked my dick! RR
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills....Aretha Franklins.
Rock
An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know ****?” ��
Attachment 526948 I thought this was funny, My name happens to be Steve and my brothers name >>> Bob :icon_bs:
(the flag has Bob and Steve's initials on it). :thumbsup:
a friend asked us if we'd like to go out for some Vietnamese food...i asked...
What animals are eaten in Vietnam?
Among the ingredients for exotic dishes are dog, cat (little tiger), snake, bear, monkey, Java mouse, braised goat testicles, grilled wild boar, fried fox meat, bat and grilled porcupine. Dog is a favorite dish in some parts of Vietnam. There is whole area devoted to dog meat restaurants in Hanoi.
not my friend anymore.
Yummmmmmmmmmy! ;)
I once worked for a Japanese company, and part of their western guest drill was a gross out meal. They eat everything there.Quote:
Originally Posted by SUNKIST
Attachment 528343 :thumbsup:
Wife asked, "Have you seen the dog bowl?" I replied, "I didn't know he could."
Q:Why are there Pop-Tarts but no Mom-Tarts?
A:Because of the Pastryarchy!
An old man accidently crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.
The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!”
The old man replies, “Woah, wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.”
The old man dials his son and as he is about to speak, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him!”
The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”
In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a jeep, ten men jump out and beat the - out of the expensive car owner.
Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says “Dad I train Navy Seals not dolphins"
great one.Quote:
Originally Posted by NICE PAIR
What do vegatarian women wear to the beach.
Zucchini's
the government has issued a partial list of racist items and issues that need to be adressed...
pool is racist because the little white ball beats up on all the colored balls
chess is racist because its white aginst black
car tires being black=racist.. with white walls ok
the slave cylinder on your car clutch is a racist
clearly white cars are racist or theyd be some other color
computers have master and slave hardrives..you know
coffee is probably racist because its black and some white people drink it
golf ...the masters tournament =racist
napkins...yep especially the white ones...tp ok because it turns brown
snow is the biggest racist...turns everything snow white...not racist after mud rock salt and sand mixes with it throughly. :eek:
President Ronald Reagan famously said in 1981: "government is not the solution to our problem, government IS the problem."
I had a dream also. :D
Attachment 528893
:cheers:
She said give me 9 inches and hurt me,so i screwed her 3 times and hit her over the head with a brick.Quote:
Originally Posted by doug7488
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem, how to carry all his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why, thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way, he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.