Rich Owen
01-27-2005, 05:23 PM
Jeff Foxworthy on New England
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will
swim by, you might live in New England.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights
each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation,
and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you
might live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you
might
live in New England.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the
year, you
might live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't
work
there, you might live in New England.
*If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
New
England.
*If your town has more bars than churches, you might live in New
England.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a
wrong number, you might live in New England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going South past New York City for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back
again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard,
without
flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including
weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife
knows how
to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with
snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
road
construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your
blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Philadelphia.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
18. You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20 You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your
friends
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will
swim by, you might live in New England.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights
each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation,
and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you
might live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you
might
live in New England.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the
year, you
might live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't
work
there, you might live in New England.
*If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
New
England.
*If your town has more bars than churches, you might live in New
England.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a
wrong number, you might live in New England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going South past New York City for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back
again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard,
without
flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including
weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife
knows how
to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with
snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
road
construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your
blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Philadelphia.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
18. You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20 You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your
friends