Senator Clinton at the Pearly Gates

[Raceman]

While walking down the street one day Senator Hillary Clinton is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're
not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the now former senator. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says Hillary.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules.."

And with that, St. Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down down, down to Hell.

The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a beautiful garden. In the distance is the club and standing in front of it are all her friends and other politicians who had worked
with her, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of bridge, have a formal tea, and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly girl who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for her.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

She reflects for a minute, then the senator answers: "Well, I thought I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts her, to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.

The Devil comes over to her and lays an arm on her neck.

"I don't understand," stammers Hillary. "Yesterday I was here and there was a beautiful garden and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Now you've elected us."

[Mr Wobbly]

All this hostility towards the Clintons is really unfair and I think it needs some clarification.

I was working at the APEC conferance in 1999 and happened to spend some time speaking to one of President Clinton's Secret Service people.

He saild the whole Monica Lewinski thing was just a big misunderstanding. I asked him to explain so he told me this storey.

You see it starts one morning when Bill was having breakfast in the Whitehouse meal room ( spending quality time with his únderlings' ) when he was told that there was a very urgent call from Boris Yeltsin on the bat phone ( something about missing nuke or power bill not paid on mothballed nuke subs I think. )

Anyway, Bill decides to take a short cut through the kitchen to get to the oval office and as he is doing so he sees his personal chef hoiking a big green hunk of snotty flem into his ( Bill's ) coffee which he was waiting to receive. ( something about givng the Chefs wife the clap or something )

Bill sees this vile act ( of revenge ) and notes to himself, Í'll fix that dirty bastard", but he doesn't have the time so he carries on vowing to return and deal with the chef later.

Still fuming about the file act he bursts into the oval office to where a young intern whom he only knows as Monica is standing ( it was not explained to me why she was standing there as opposed to knealing, but lets carry on regardless )

Just before our hero ( Bill ) grabs the phone he says to miss Lewinski in is most authoritive tone.....

"Monica, sack my cook!"

And that's how the whole sorry saga started! ( Honest )

[at100plus]

Hillary getting hit by a bus is no trajedy! That bus driver saved our fine country.

The second thread is probably a true story, and I don't know why Monika was standing instead of kneeling either:D

[sho305]

Ya have to stand to reach the cigar box.

:D