Humor if ya got kids...Pretty darn funny

[H2Onut]

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX (poor woman)

Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[175checkmate]

That is so true, Man thats funny and brings back some crazy memories.

[AnthonySS]

THANKS NUT...those were good!!

It seems like I am forever dismantling toilets in our house and replacing sliding door screens and...

... those legos really hurt when you step on them in the middle of the nite on your way too the can!!

[SGT LAKER]

ROTFLMAO..............................

[Tom D.]

Nut,
You are so right!!!:D

[BathTubBabe]

you forgot one.

You have no idea how much of a mess makeup makes on a quilt.
:rolleyes:

I left Sinkbaby with her uncle while I was running some errands. When I came home, babysitting uncle was in the living watching T.V. and Sinkbaby was no where to be seen. :mad: I found her 5 minutes later in the middle of my bed with every piece of make-up I owned plus my powder. :eek: When I walked in she looked up at me so proud of herself because she was all grown up with momma's make up. I died laughing, She looked like a clown that was out on a rainy day. My quilt was a multi color mess and Powder was everywhere. Babysitting uncle looked quilty for lack of babysitting skills, needless to say, I ended up throwing the whole mess in the trash. Makeup, powder and quilt and I gave serious thought about adding babysitting uncle to the pile. ;)

[AnthonySS]

yep...that's a good one BTB..

Everyone makes a "rave" about "Survivor"....I good I got idea for the next episode.

...they should drop all the contestants off on my my island (home) and see who is the last one standing after a day with my 3.

I betcha...they all coming running out....saying, " keep the million bucks ...I am outa here":D

Here is 2 of the 3..."man I love'em"

[BathTubBabe]

:D I can see the mischef gleaming in their eyes. You have your hands full.

Here are our reasons to be basket cases

[BathTubBabe]

And

[BathTubBabe]

and Makeup Girl

[BathTubBabe]

and last girl, that is

I have a son, and there are two other step half sisters to these five :D .

[AnthonySS]

...I thought I had it ruff....

least mine aren't teens yet... although 8 thinks she is 18.

ENJOY....I know I do regardlees of those tuff times!!

GREAT PICS!!!

[BathTubBabe]

;) Yes, All kids are in a hurry to grow up, But when they do, they find out it isn't all fun and games :D I enjoyed sharing the pic with you and seeing your crew as well. Yours are at the age where they are still cute. Our crew is only cute when they are asleep. :eek: ;) :D

[BK]

Here's another reason why men shouldnt babysit......... :D

[gaineso]

Great stuff everyone. Since the youngest grandaughter will be 13 next month, it's been awile, but I'm going to forward Nuts post to her mother. Kat will appreciate it.

[BathTubBabe]

:D Good one Bk, that one kinda hits home, :D That is what are sink looks like after the teens have been home all day. :( I am going to show the Girls this because in about two- three weeks there is going to be a grand baby in the house, :eek: and we don't want this to happen.

[Scott]

I don't get over here often enough! Don't know how old this thread is but darn funny stuff!
Thanks to All!

and...
Thanks Anthony SS! I have replaced the screen in the sliding door EVERY summer it seems, since my kids were old enough to open it! Last year I went to aluminum, no more fiberglass! Figured that would be the end of that....got a hole...will be replacing it again! And I can open and close that screen a gazillion times a day in the summer...no problem...my 5 yr old touches it and it falls off the track....whats up with that.

[AnthonySS]

..as you know I share your issues...

No wonder kids always think of us Dads, good at fixing things!!

It can be a Full Time Job....:confused:

[BathTubBabe]

Thank God, You dads are good at fixing things or our home would fall down around our ears. :D

[liberatorx2]

HEY YALL SPEAKING OF KIDS, I HAVE 7 --THATS RITE SEVEN!! I CAME HOME FROM DEER WOODS TODAY & 1ST THING MY 5 YEAR OLD SAYS IS ---DAD , AMY'S BOYFRIEND WAS HERE WHEN YOU PULLED UP , BUT DONT WORRY HE'S GONE NOW , HE JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW. NEXT SHE SAYS SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND TOO & SHE LOVES HIM??? I ASSURED HER ,SHE HAS NO BOYFRIEND & SHE WAS GOING TO BED EARLY TONIGHT!! NOW IF I COULD GET MY 16YEAR OLD TO PICK UP THE CIGARETTE BUTS UNDER HER WINDOW [ WHICH OF COURSE SHE SAYS AINT HERS] THEN I WOULD BE GETTING SOMEWHERE. RICK MOORE

[AnthonySS]

THAT's funny...I bet you have a lot of grey hair or non-left at all...

7 kids is a BIG bunch...GOD Bless 'em!!

Woke up yesterday with a 5 yr old "Throwing up" at the side of my Bed at 5:00 AM....Today he says eating Pepperoni stiks is making him feel better:rolleyes:

[BathTubBabe]

Seven Kids........ Are you still sane?:eek:

SO Where are the pics?

:D Pepperoni, Candy and Junk food always makes the tummy better. Didn't you know? Pea, Carrots, and Squash is what makes them sick ;) to hear them tell it.

[WharfRat]

I only have 2 (feels like more) one 13 yrs & one 15 months:eek: Think they're spread out far enough ?!?! Also they're birthdays are a mere 2 days apart. But at least big brother adores his lil brother :D

[BathTubBabe]

:D What is that he has in his hands?

[WharfRat]

A jigsaw, I was a carpenter for about 15 years, needless to say, he knows his power tools pretty well. He helped me build alot of cabinets in the garage, me holding it together while he used the nail gun:D

[action17]

do you think i'm going to have any trouble with this one??????????????????

[WharfRat]

ummmmmmmmmmm, let me think......................


YES :eek: :D :D

[175checkmate]

Its writen on her face bobby. T-R-O-U-B-L-E:D

[action17]

gus i course you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats a boy dressed up in his halloween costume as a hershey kiss!!!!! thats lilbobby!!:D

[action17]

here's another one of him!!

[AnthonySS]

Family you got ther Bobby...

Has the wife experienced a ride in an STV yet???.

Here is pic of us going out with 2 of my 3 kids...

Wife loves the STV ride

[Kathleen Michelle]

We have three.... Gotta admit the girls are like little women!!! Attitudes and mouth!!! My son he is total opposite. Boys in my opinion are easier!!! You never know though what he is going to repair, build, or take apart..... I was handed door knobs and screws many times when he was little... if something fell off the hinge I knew where the screw went!:)


Dad's babysitting........ count on a major hurricane hitting when you go out the door...... I believe that is called any thing goes time!!!! Doesn't matter if it is 5 mins. or 5 hours damage will be done.... lol


Our microwave cooked a fire truck the damn thing was on fire way inside....... dumped it into the bathtub to "TRY" and put it out...... didn't work...... ran across the street and got my neighbor (scott was at work) and he came over to help put the thing out......


Gotta admit they are the most precious when sleeping!:)

[action17]

no anthony the boat is still in the rigging phase but making progress!! thanks for the kind words!! ithink he likes to drive already!!:eek:

[BathTubBabe]

Lol, Bobby Jr showed a likeing to Skip's Talon. He was playing with the bright red squares, Everytime he was moved away he would reach for Skip's Boat. When he was moved close to it he would pat it :D He is one sweet baby.

Bobby it's those blond curls that confuse people, but when he is older he will love those blonde curls as will the ladies, ;)

Kathy, I guess your little one is practicing to be a fire fighter, or teaching you how too. :eek:

[action17]

thanks barb!! yeah we think he's sweet too!!! sometimes:eek:

[AnthonySS]

..what it is with us Dad's...

...but we always got to get a pic of our kids behind the wheel of the boat...

Funny my parents have some old black and whites of me behind the wheel of some "60's Woodys"...so it would be easy to blame them for the way we turned out:)

Bet ya it would be cool thread if we collected all the pictures of kids behind the wheels of boats...

I need a scanner???

[action17]

yeah that would be cool i need to get a new one of him behind the wheel of the stv!!

[BathTubBabe]

Your Right it is a Dad thing. My Dad was into motorcycles when I was a kid. He has pictures of me on his Bike :D I was the frist and only Girl in my neighborhood to own a Honda Ct-75 by age 10. Bright Banana Yellow, no less. My older brother by 7 years started out with a brand new liscence and a motorcycle at 16. :D

[AnthonySS]

Yeah BARB,

My wifes Dad (my fudder-in-law) was into bics and bugs...and he owned a ton of them, ...so my wife has those pics too of when she was a kid.

Now when we go over too his place...he still wants to take pictures of our kids on his toys;)

[BathTubBabe]

But you know I ain't sure it is just a Dad thing, I think Mom's do it to, Sometimes, I have pics of my Daughter. I Have to carry on the family traditions ;)

[76baja18ft]

my reason getting gray hairs.. have raised him alone since he was 8 months old.. he is 10 yrs old now and my best buddy...

[gaineso]

And you've obviously done a great job. After all, he's wearing a FORD shirt

[76baja18ft]

thank you.. he is a clown most of the time.. this was yesterday while we were at the races helping with one of the bosses race cars

[AnthonySS]

...fine job on the son there!!!

GOD BLESS...sounds like you got a story to tell!!!

[76baja18ft]

thank you anthony .. i try.. :)

[red hott]

you goy that boy goin in the right direction. fast boats fast cars and fast..... well he will figure out that soon enough dad. that is great to get him involved in racing just be honest with him and let him have a HEARTBEAT (CHEVY) when his time comes. only the best for the kidds
Tray

[76baja18ft]

i am teaching him about good and fast vehicles.(ford). then i am teaching him about the most profitable ones to work on.. the ones that are broken down all the time.. the heartbeat..:) i make a pretty fair living working on the broken heartbeats of the world.. but come go fast time.. its ford all the way... that car in the pic is a small block ford..:).. runs the 1/8th mile in 5.04@141 mph..... figure it will run 4.80's this weekend.... that track wasnt the best around....then the probe will be put up for the winter while we put together the new mustang ..:)

[MY HST]

that was great and right on . mine are 7,6 and2 and i know what you mean

[MY HST]

that was great and right on . mine are 7,6 and2 and i know what you mean